Stop Letting Beer Hunting Historians Tell You How To Live Life

Inspirational, Stories 14/08/2017 by Joan Agabi

Are you dating?

Please hide him or her.

Did you get a contract?

Keep quiet and execute in the night if possible.

Going for thanksgiving?

How dare you be thankful, hide it.

Getting married?

Please and please hide your future spouse from even your relatives until 60 seconds to alter call.

Why? Why you ask?

Come closer let me whisper least I be called a gossip or my hair ruffle goes to tell people what I said
‘whispering’ the people from my place are historians.

They do not earn a salary but wear their credential’s with pride. They will tell you about your spouse’s lineage for free, but you can throw in a bottle of beer if you feel generous. They know when your spouses grandparents were conceived, which position they lay in the womb, how many times ya grandma pushed, when and if your father paid ya mothers bride price, all the boys or girls you spoke to in school, who you played 10 10 with in school, when you fetched water from the well, the name of your imaginary dog, your nutcase relatives, your class teacher, the person who’s lady parts you have been in, the uncle who buys you lace and the false cousin who plays games in the backyard with you who is actually ya lover according to them.

Now our historians do not need to know you in person to claim they know you. In fact you can be sitting right beside them and they will swear that you went off with their uncle to Germany and are frolicking at a Heineken bar. And why are you claiming you did not buy that degree and deserve the job? Is it not because your father is dating XYZ’s wife and the scandal will hurt them that they gave you the job?

Now these historians can shrink to a very tiny size and perch on your panties or boxers when you go out so they can come back and give a blow by blow account of all the transpired, otherwise how would they know and add to your history when they are narrating your life to ya future toaster or spouse?