It’s OK not To Be Supermen, Spidermen and Superheroes Sometimes
I was ten years old (10yrs) when our father died and my elder brother was about twelve years old (12yrs). I remember we were all crying over the death of our father when some of my uncles told my elder brother that he is a man now and men don’t cry. He wasn’t even the eldest child; the eldest child was my sister but nobody told her not to cry. My uncles went further to say “you are now the head of the family and you have to take care of your mother and sisters. How do you even tell a boy who just lost his father that, anyway they did? My brother immediately grew from a boy to a man according to societal expectations. And that is how toxic masculinity is built “Men don’t cry”, “Man up”, don’t you know you are a man?”, “Be strong for others”.
Toxic masculinity is suppressing emotions or masking distress, maintaining an appearance of hardness at all times, and choosing violence as an indicator of power. It is teaching boys that they can’t express emotions openly like everyone else, that they have to be ‘” tough at all times”, and that anything other than that makes them weak. And so, boys keep packing and packing emotions inside which should have been released a long time ago. These emotions unpacked leads to pressures building inside that when the pressure gets too much they break. I mean something as hard as a glass bottle breaks when the pressure inside is too much.
Most cultures expect men to be stoic providers, individuals who are valued for what they offer society first and foremost. They are valued based on not just their ability to provide but also on their physical strength and mental toughness, stoicism without showing emotions. This discourages men from discussing how they truly feel among themselves or without others. Most men are discouraged from seeking help or expressing emotions in order not to be seen as being weak. Society expects them to hide their emotions, “man up” and be strong for others all the time. But who is truly there for them? Who is there for men after they finish being supermen, saving the world and saving from all the burn-out? who can they really talk to without feeling judged or weak?
Statistics show that;
- Men are four times (4 times) more likely to die by suicide.
- Men make up eighty per cent (80%) of all suicide deaths.
- Men are less likely to seek support and are often afraid to speak up for themselves (fear of being judged).
- Forty per cent (40%) of men have never spoken about their emotions or mental health.
- One in ten (1 in 10) men experience depression or anxiety
- Men are twice as likely to develop substance abuse or use disorders compared to females.
We need to normalize the conversation by creating a safe space where men can open up and honestly talk about how they feel without being judged or feeling judged. Let them know that sometimes it’s okay not to be okay. They need to save themselves while saving others. And it’s okay to take little breaks from being supermen, spidermen and superheroes sometimes. And that seeking help is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of strength because it takes courage to acknowledge you need help.
Let us raise awareness of the importance of men’s mental health and encourage them to speak up and seek support. We need to be more supportive.