People Will Use You For As Long As You Let Them
We all have that one friend who only calls when they need something or comes around only when they need your help or a favour from you. I recently got off the phone with mine, and guess what? He needs money (as a gift or as a loan), and I had to ask him some questions this time. Why do you only call when you need a favour? When things are well for you, do you ever call to check on me, or do you share with me that you have money? And he was suddenly silent. I continued, My dear, my rent is due, and I am looking for money to pay. It has been three-month (3) months since then, and he hasn’t called to find out if I was able to sort out my rent or if my landlord threw my things out.
Friendship is about sharing joys, supporting each other through challenges, and genuinely caring about each other’s well-being. True friendship is characterised by reciprocity, where both parties contribute to each other’s happiness and growth. Not just friendships, human relationships in general shouldn’t be one-sided; you shouldn’t always be on the receiving side. Please try to give as well.
Simple signs that you are being used:
- One-sided favours: You find yourself always giving, and you don’t or rarely receive in return. Like in the case of my friend, I could rarely remember a time he came through for me, but I can remember lending him a helping hand several times.
- Conditional support: Showing interest in you primarily when they need something from you, and their interest in you seems to fluctuate based on what you can offer them at the time. There are some people’s phone calls you see, and you know that this person wants something because they don’t call you except when they are in need.
- Emotional dumping: Your friend consistently unloads their problem on you without reciprocating. When things are going smoothly for them, you don’t hear from them. They only come to you with one problem or another.
When you discover you are used, you have to set clear boundaries. These boundaries help prevent further exploitation. These boundaries include:
- Communication: As adults, we should learn to communicate our feelings. I know this kind of conversation is not easy or fun, but we should have the courage to make it anyway. You should genuinely be able to talk about things you are not comfortable with.
- Knowing your limits: Know when they are taking advantage of your support or when helping has crossed the line to exploitation. People will use you as long as you let them, but don’t let them take advantage of your good heart.
- Learning to say no: It’s okay to decline requests or favours that make you uncomfortable or strain your resources. Knowing when to say no and prioritising your own needs.
- People Will Use You For As Long As You Let Them
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Friendship should never be one-sided. It should be a dynamic exchange of support, care, and understanding. By fostering balanced friendships, where both parties contribute equally and respect each other’s needs, you create relationships that are fulfilling, supportive, and lasting. Embrace the essence of reciprocity and mutual respect.